Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I Can't Hear You!!!!

So my friend Lauree over at Simply Leap has been writing about fear...that voice that wakes you up at 3am with dread and messages of doom and despair.

Don't you love that voice in your head? It's a nasty voice, spouting an old message, that no longer has relevance to you life. It's because it no longer has relevance, that it screams all the louder. I hear it as, "You don't need me...need me...need me...hear me..listen to how awful you are and having me around helps!!!"

My voice is a voice of failure...that no matter what I do, I will never be good enough. Recently, he really scraped the bottom of the barrel. I had just gotten a grade for my most recent writing assignment in my summer class; my 9th 100/100. My first thought was a gloomy, "He just gave that to me because I'm smart."

WAIT...WHAT??? How is that a negative?? Yes...I am smart Yes, I've been doing phenomenal work in grad school. He must really have nothing bad to say if he's trying to spin that into a negative.

I laughed when I realized what I was telling myself. More importantly, I was proud. It told me how far I'd come; how much I've progressed that my voice of failure was no longer one of failure, but one desperately trying to hold on by using positive things against me.

I don't need that voice anymore...and he knows it.

What does your voice of fear tell you? Better yet...what do you tell it? I've found it's very effective to say what I've wanted to say to every ignorant idiot I've passed in my life...

"Shut up Bitch!"

1 comment:

  1. You are beautiful, damnit!

    Thanks for taking my calls at 3am, when it's hard to laugh at my fears. And thanks for laughing anyway. :)


Now tell me I'm beautiful dammit.